Dive into Absurdity

These exercises came as a result of reading Nathalie Goldberg’s, Writing Down the Bones. I like the freedom in them.

Tabby Cough

A woman coughed up a fat tabby cat
it stretched itself out on the lawn to dry.
Later she had to tempt it back inside her
by eating the finest cat food money could buy.
Then she cried silently;
although she loved cats she knew her boyfriend would treat it badly.

Rebound Relationship

The woman next door sits in the petrol station
nervously sipping wine.
She wears a short, nylon, skirt and looks uncomfortable
as she strokes the lion.
The relationship will end badly I know it in my witchified bones
she likes opera and the lion likes jazz.

Dancing Partner

It was the usual wine-and-cheese reception in a large ugly classroom.
I was wearing sport-shoes, Tina was out in her finest cocktail frock.
When the cockroach approaches and asked us to dance
I hummed the tune while they did the foxtrot; perfect partners.

Cooking

A man baking cakes in someone else’s kitchen
heard his mother climbing down from the loft;
the stainless steel egg whisk banging on the rungs.
“Have you added the walnuts?” She entered the room.
“Don’t be absurd!” He replied, it’s a cherry cake
His mother scowled and returned to the washing up.

Slumber

A man slept using his whole body
it was a technique he had read about in a book somewhere.
In the morning he would go down to find the refrigerator door open
and the neighbour helping himself to the last of the milk.
This went on for years
before he thought to tie a piece of string to his big toe.

Slices

A man had a nose shaped like a sausage
which he used to play cricket down at the local park.
One day a flight of old ladies, out feeding the squirrels, took offence.
Quick thinking saved him and before they could club him
he had cut slices of salami with his pocket knife
and offered them around.

Cake Culture

A man delivering eggs to a café in Salzburg
realised there was a cake stuck to the bottom of his boot,
rather than sufferer the embarrassment of being seen
he went to the toilet and flushed himself away.

All Change

A woman decided her skin was the wrong colour
and booked herself in for a session at the body-shop.
Unfortunately there was a mix up with paperwork.
Upon returning she found that she had been sprayed green
and fitted with a new exhaust.

Deep Fried

When Rachael left her fried confectionary on the departure lounge
she was incensed at her own stupidity.
Her eyes went red, she could feel her heart pounding
until all she could smell was burning rubber.
It wasn’t until the gull flew into her air intake
that she realised there was more to life than battered chocolate bars.

 

–Benjamin F Jones 
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About Graphite Bunny

I am a writer working in South Wales (UK). I love pizza, photography and moist clay. When it rains I catch drops in my open mouth. I create poetry, flash, absurdist snapshots and humorous fiction.
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One Response to Dive into Absurdity

  1. I totally love these; they’re so surreal and visual. After three glasses of champagne for Christmas dinner, I’m extremely amused and dying to share them with the rest of my family, but they’re all fast asleep in chairs, snoring, so I’ll have to save them until later.

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