Haiku #1500: Radyr Station

Stretched grin
held back by willow and fishermen
water at the weir’s teeth.

–Benjamin F Jones 
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About Graphite Bunny

I am a writer working in South Wales (UK). I love pizza, photography and moist clay. When it rains I catch drops in my open mouth. I create poetry, flash, absurdist snapshots and humorous fiction.
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6 Responses to Haiku #1500: Radyr Station

  1. Dave Lewis says:

    Nice one. My next book is a collection of haiku as it happens 🙂

  2. It’s very good and I can see the scene most vividly 😉

    You’re welcome to tell me to shut up, as it’s your haiku and not mine, but I’d prefer ‘stretched in (as) a grin’. An ‘in’ or an ‘as’ would dispense with the rather clunky word ‘like’. Also, a grin, rather than a smile, ties up better with a show of the weir’s teeth in the third line.

    • Comments, suggestions and support always welcome. Thank you very much. Grin is much more the sort of word I use anyway. And in the first line I think we could drop all those joiny words thus:

      Stretched grin
      held back by willow and fishermen
      water at the weir’s teeth.

      Much improvement thank you xxx Is it bad to edit your work after it has been posted it? What is the form?

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