For Children: Magical Nonsense

Leggy Confusion

Never confuse centipede legs with millipede legs, magically they are very different. I know a witch that made that mistake and now she has a cat with a nose like a trombone.

Decisions Nip

Fairy Spoodle could never work out if she should put her socks or knickers on first. One day a giant woodlouse ran out from behind the skirting board and bit her on the bum. Now she always puts her knickers on first.

Spider Insurance

One day Suzan crashed her tractor into a sleeping spider.
“Sorry,” she said. “Are you OK?”
“Fine,” said the giant spider, “but I seem to have bent your wheel quite badly.”
Sarah and the spider swapped insurance details then went their separate ways.

Magical Reactant

Jackie had been waiting for her delivery of magical reactant. As the postman approached he tripped. The parcel in his hand split. The pavement exploded with a sound like fireworks and settled in a bloom of colour.

Interpretive Mistake

Wendy the witch was a compulsive doodler. One day her brother, misinterpreting her doodles for magic sigils, tried to cast them. It took days for the smoke to clear and now once a month Wendy’s brother turns into moth.

Controlled Astronomy

Georgia G was a witch before her time. At school, one afternoon, she created a black hole in her pencil case. That was the last anyone saw of her protractor and compass.

Phone Simple

Electromagnetic radiation from mobile phones disrupts the subtle balance of energy in a witch’s spells. That is why you never see a witch with their mobile phone switched on.

Fortunate Gregarious

One Saturday evening in October Karla tried to enlarge a cake to feed her friends at a dinner party. Her aim was poor. She found herself face to face with a massive centipede. Fortunately the centipede was quite gregarious and knew how to bake gâteaux.

–Benjamin F Jones 

About Graphite Bunny

I am a writer working in South Wales (UK). I love pizza, photography and moist clay. When it rains I catch drops in my open mouth. I create poetry, flash, absurdist snapshots and humorous fiction.
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8 Responses to For Children: Magical Nonsense

  1. As for witches and phones, I’ve heard that they interfere with the delicate instruments on their broomsticks. Its also why Harry Potter can’t update his twitter account during Quiddich matches.

  2. I love these! I could picture it all so vividly! Ihope you are developing these because my daughter loves this sort of fantasy with a gentle sense of humour. I’ll be your first customer!

  3. Very funny. I particularly love the controlled astronomy one. Anything to do with centipedes, millipedes, spiders, or woodlice is cool, too – they all used to fascinate me as a child (I had very tomboyish interests, which included subscribing to ‘Amazing Stories’ & ‘Eagle Comic’). Must tell you, sometime, about my Science Fantasy novel featuring some huge creepy crawlies (it’s in the ‘awaiting revision’ pile, just now).

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