Describe Someone: with flashback

The city was rammed with rugby fans. Pubs and restaurants overflowed with red jerseys. Gorillas swung on every door. My daughter and I swirled through the throng, looking for a place to breathe. We ate our food at Café Caribe; the only place that had a free table.
Afterwards we hustled between miniskirt girls dressed up like hookers. They carried trays in one hand and tugged their skirts down with the other. The queue to pay was gridlocked with microwave reheat. I felt the dragon breath of chip fryers every time the kitchen door opened.

“I’d like to pay.” I waved my card.

“Nathalie, this isn’t time to talk.”  The woman behind the till bellowed across the café. Lowering the volume she addressed me. “Where were you sitting?” Her smile had been cut in with a corkscrew.
I looked at the tables arranged like chrome vomit. Chairs back to back; diners crammed in together. I can see a miniskirt helper wiping our table without bending.

“Over there where the…”

“Describe someone.” Her tone whips like the kitchen door.

I stare at her. I’m having flash backs to creative writing classes; authors in tears on the floor; tutors electrocuting adverbs from manuscripts by negative reinforcement.

The woman looks at me as if I’m a moron. She has hair, textured like dried flowers; blacker than the chip I pushed to the side of my plate.
Neither of us spoke. The kitchen door gaped. She took the opportunity to shout, “Tell Natalie that if she doesn’t get here arse out here she can…” The kitchen door closed. She crammed her lips into the shape of a smile. “Just describe someone,” she repeated.

So that’s what I’m doing.

–Benjamin F Jones 
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About Graphite Bunny

I am a writer working in South Wales (UK). I love pizza, photography and moist clay. When it rains I catch drops in my open mouth. I create poetry, flash, absurdist snapshots and humorous fiction.
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10 Responses to Describe Someone: with flashback

  1. Chasing Neptune says:

    I agree with the phrase “satisfyingly circular.” I love how you took different images and themes and revisited them in different ways throughout the piece. It gave a lot of depth to the piece, despite its short length, and really emphasized the redundancy of the environment and situation.

    Fantastic job.

  2. Wow, amazing weblog structure! How lengthy have you ever been blogging for? you made running a blog look easy. The full glance of your website is magnificent, as smartly as the content!

    • I have been blogging much lengthy times and I pride myself on my weblog structure – the basic principles are as follows:

      Thou shalt not continuously use full tax colour.
      Thou shalt not use treated minds to extract logic pulses.
      Thou shalt not flagrant battleplanes with uncareful research
      Thou shalt not emphasize mode when iontophoresis can’t take the riff-raff.
      Thou shalt not instruct switch colour to indicate contributions in positive.
      Thou shalt not believe the generator check subject.
      Thou shalt not mix software with computer controlled blocking.
      Thou shalt not build complex eye contact.
      Thou shalt not skip slides to add extracellular mystery.
      Thou shalt not use summary clones for experimental conclusions.

  3. Keith Parker says:

    You should consider submitting this to one of the flash fiction magazines. I agree with jonth (above). It is satisfyingly circular.

    • Thank you for your kind words. I will seek out a market. I have about eight pieces out at the moment looking for homes. It seems a long time since I sent them. Do agents and publishers hibernate in the cold season?

  4. So many morons in every city and town in the world. It gives one so much literary fuel.
    That’s a very funny and well-written piece. Most enjoyable. Thanks 🙂

  5. jonth says:

    Satisfyingly circular. I was there with you and I’m still laughing.

    • Thank you. We have been to that place twice now. That time becuase there was nowhere else to go. Perhaps that should be their strap line, Café Caribe: Because there is nowhere else with a free table.

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